In Search of Relevance

It is dangerous to generalize too much; to identify universal truths from particular experiences. However, that is exactly what I intend to do here and let the flaws and gaps in my argument fend for themselves.

For most of my time on earth, now entering into the fourth quarter of a century, I have found that my place in life, my relative position, was largely defined for me; through my school, my career, my family and my interests. Of course, I would think about and often worry about how well I was performing, my contributions – the ‘puts and takes’ of being “me”. But there was a ready-made structure or structures (parenting, job dynamics/career games, husband, son, friend etc.) that guided and informed my thoughts. I might ponder ‘how’ I was doing but ‘what’ I was doing and how it fit into a general scheme of things wasn’t much of a concern. I enjoyed a sort of ‘ready-made’ relevance.

I have found, however, that that relevance disappears with age and must be recreated. And it is not an easy venture overall. Many of the supporting constructs have been removed or diminished – retirement ends career (often), children are grown and launched, many friends have passed or faded into a more distant association, social norms become less binding etc. And with age comes a whole range of anticipated but really unappreciated (when younger) effects – poor(er) health, time freedom, altered social stature (often) and an insidious ageism bias. In many ways and in many landscapes, you become invisible – you become irrelevant.

The attempt to add new meaning back to ‘you’ is a quest. For some, it is a more straightforward journey guided by the enduring frameworks of religion, established social networks, committed beliefs or close and supportive family. But for others it is more challenging and more dangerous. You can easily lose your way and fall into confusion, depression, despair and worse. Bunyan’s “pond of despond” can become an all too present reality, deepened by a western culture that generally values youth over age, activity over experience and current utility over past contribution. Bette Davis was totally on point when she quipped “getting old ain’t for sissies”.

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”

“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.

“I don’t much care where–” said Alice.

“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.“

–so long as I get SOMEWHERE,” Alice added as an explanation

.“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”

   … Alice in Wonderland, Chapt.6

This is essentially the route back to relevance – keep walking, keep experiencing all things that are part of the path, depend on the depth of insight given by your many past life experiences and insist that “you” are here and not to be ignored or marginalized.

Most people probably acknowledge the truism that ‘the only constant is change’ but many, including myself, often want that to apply to everyone else. Relevance or what it means to be “you” is not a static commodity but is fashioned anew, every day by how you approach your life and react to its joys and challenges.

As a child of the 60’s, I remember the well-known comic by Robert Crumb. His catchphrase “Keep on Truckin’” not only captured the resolve, determination and basic idealism of that period, it reflects the need to continuously define and redefine who you are – to always be relevant to the times.